The wedding between King Charles and Princess Diana wasn’t as fairytale as the world assumed it was. Years after the royal died, secret tapes revealed the Princess of Wales was so miserably unhappy, she attempted suicide. It has been well-documented that the royal couple had a tumultuous marriage, with multiple confrontations and meltdowns until they finally broke off.

In one of the tapes, Diana was quoted as saying, “I was so depressed, and I was trying to cut my wrists with razor blades.” Reportedly, these tapes were believed to have been recorded in 1991 by a friend but remained secret for over 2 decades until now when they were used as references for Andrew Morton’s book, Diana- Her True Story, as per The Mirror.

Immediately after her marriage, Diana experienced bouts of deep sadness and loneliness since Charles was nowhere around her. More tape recordings reveal the late princess explaining her ‘terrible’ life in Barmoral, “I got terribly, terribly thin. People started commenting: ‘Your bones are showing.’ By October (1981) I was in a very bad way. It rained and rained and rained. I came down early (to London) to seek treatment, not because I hated Balmoral, but because I was in such a bad way.”

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As more and more reports reveal the complexities of Diana and Charles’ marriage, it is assumed that it was meant to be doomed. According to one of the instances, the late princess wasn’t mentally present and was searching for the ‘third person,’ Camilla Parker Bowles, throughout her wedding. “As I walked up the aisle, I was looking for Camilla. I knew she was in there,” Diana was quoted as saying.

“I had a very bad fit of bulimia the night before. I ate everything I could possibly find which amused my sister (Jane) because she was staying at Clarence House with me. On the day, there was great anticipation. Happiness because the crowds buoyed you up — but I don’t think I was happy,” Diana added. But she confessed that she was in love with Charles and “couldn’t take my eyes off him.”

“I just absolutely thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. He was going to look after me,” but quickly realized how short-lived her happiness was. “Well, was I wrong on that assumption? So walking back down the aisle, I spotted Camilla — pale grey, veiled pillbox hat, saw it all, her son Tom standing on a chair. To this day, you know — vivid memory. I was obsessed with Camilla totally. I didn’t trust (Charles) — thought every five minutes he was ringing her up, asking how to handle his marriage.”